I guess because I've never done it before I just am a little nervous. I'm not focusing or obsessed on it, and I know I'll be fine thanks to the women I have on www.armywifechat.com
but it doesn't mean that it isn't on my mind sometimes!
So, after talking to DB (dear boyfriend, or damn boyfriend, depending on the day!), I was feeling a little nervous. I posted my anxieties and got some wonderful responses. I'm going to share the ladies' wisdom with anyone who's interested.
Original post:
Okay ladies. So, I talked to DB tonight, and we were joking a bit about how we can't even go a week without eachother. I miss him so much right now it hurts! (yeah, yeah I know WAH! right?)HOW am I gonna do a year?! I guess it's just hitting me a bit. I mean, I'm gonna do a year, because I don't want to NOT do it, you know, I don't want to be without him. I've dealt with the deployment of friends, and my daddy when I was REALLY little.. but never with someone I care so much about. (You know what I mean, it's different)
I talked with him and he said that it's okay for me to be scared, that I'll be just fine, and that we'll make it. (I know that!) I know we'll make it, I guess, I just want to do it right, and be the best I can for him. I know it's gonna take a lot of strength, and I guess just because I don't know much I'm scared. Thankfully, it's still far enough away that we can talk about it without it stirring us up too much. He said that soon, after Thanksgiving, (He's meeting the fam! EEK!) he is willing to sit down with me and explain it all to me, and tell me how he copes and what to expect from him on his end. Yknow sort of explain how he copes so that if he's not super mushy like he is here or something I won't fret. I guess, I know there's really no way to put it into words, and like love you just kinda go through it, but anything you have to tell me about how it's like, any encouragement, or any advice or anything you want to tell me is fine.
I think the reality just hit me. (I know it 'll REALLY hit later if you know what I mean!) I just want to be able to be strong for him, and for us, and to make it through. I'm a little scared.
*thanks for listening*
Kate
Responses:
I think it takes a great deal of faith and just knowing that no matter how hard it may seem, it will always be great because you have that person in your life one way or another. I would rather be 9000 miles away from Kevin and still "have him" than be sitting right next to him and not "have him." Does that make sense? Anyway. I know that you two are so much in love and I don't doubt that with that, and your incredible strength and compassion, you will survive a deployment.
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I understand your being scared, but try not to be. If you two are really meant to be together, this will just be a bump in the road for you. It will be hard, there will be times you'll wonder how you're doing it (not if you can do it.. insert what Lisa said above, but how.. because it will hurt), but in the end you'll make it through. Often times the anticipation of something stressful can cause more stress and anxiety than the event itself. Don't worry yourself over something you can't control right now. I know its hard, but save your energy for when you'll need it most. <3
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Keep busy! Thats how you do it. THe busier you are the quicker the time will go. Have a GOOD group of friends who SUPPORT your relationship and women like those on here who understand what its like are great. Dont think that if you need to tlak or bitch or cry that it makes you weak caust it doesnt! Its good to cry and youl lhave days where you dont want to get up and thats fine. Let yourself feel whatever you need to. As long as you can pick yourself back up and move on then your doing great. Dont let anyone tell you that you cant do this, or that your weak cuase your sad. Set goals for yourself.
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Although X is not deployed and I don't have to worry about his life, he is 4500 miles away. I won't lie, I was a mess. October was a really, really bad month for me (That was about the third month) and what has helped me was just hanging with friends, trying to do my thing and I actually distanced myself from him. I see him as a super duper friend, and deep down I love him, I just won't let it surface too much and therefore hurt me too badly.
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I guess, you just do it. It is scary and sucks alot sometimes, but there arent alot of options. For me I just took each day one at a time, and got through, and one day, you realize wow I can start planning for homecoming.
I was telling some of my friends getting ready for this upcoming deployment, really once you make it through the first week, it gets a little better. Thats how it was for me, I guess i got through that so I figured I did that so I can do another week, then before you know it it has been a month, some days are really hard and you really really hate it. Some days you are numb and kind of forget what is going on. Some days are hopefull and you realize you have done pretty well so far......And then the deployment passes and nothing in the world can beat a homecoming
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I agree with the other girls, there will be days where you hurt and that's OK, but many of the others you will be just fine. The anticipation of him leaving and the week after leaving are the hardest. The temporary feeling of knumbness scared me at first, but then after I read about stages of deployment on the family and friend side, I realized that it was normal and I was right on track of doing OK. Once you get through that, it gets a little easier. My secret has been to keep a routine and treat myself once a month (pedicure, special treat, etc) to help me realize I made it through another month and I'm still OK.
All the AWC gals will be there for you and feel free to keep asking those questions.
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Of course it was momentary, I feel a lot better today! Plus Mike told me we have a smaller window for knowing when he'll deploy than we originally had, but he will tell me next week when I see him. He couldn't tell me over the phone because "this is not a secure line." (and of course, I won't be posting it on the net! OPSEC!)
Anyways, it helps to know, as long as you're not the type to count down the days you have left. I don't really do that, at least not now. I'm sure it will get harder as it gets closer. That's allright. A little at a time.
I'll continue to post deployment tips as I get them, so that I can pass them along to others!
- Kate
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